Presented by: Xenogears: God and Mind
Author's notes/Dark's Drivel.
I'm usually a serious person ---- Yes! I am Mist!!! Anyone who's read my fanfics will have an idea of how serious I am. However, once in a while I get these strong urges to insanity, (possibly caused by a destructive alternative personality that I don't know about), one of them produced "It's my body" This particular insanity however is not of my own volition. Most Xenogears fans we have spoken to hate Chu Chu, Sundel, JuneMermaid, Mist and I are no exception.
If you've been visiting the Xenogears: God and Mind messageboard recently, you'll know that Sundel, Mist and JuneMermaid have all decided that it would serve the annoying pink fluffball right if it came to a very sticky end. And so Mist, very kindly volunteered yours truly to write an account of said sticky end.
I've agreed to do this for two reasons:
First: I hate Chu Chu too (if it wasn't for Shevat the irritating little blighter wouldn't have been in the novelization at all).
Second: I can't refuse any request made to me by a pretty girl. I don't have much chance turning down one, and against three ------- So here it is... hope you like it!!!
Scene: Fei's wedding, Fei and Bart stand nervously in the vestry, Fei wearing an uncomfortable suit that looks a bit like Kim's, Bart in Yggdrasil dress uniform.
Fei: "I'm really nervous Bart, what if I drop the ring or something?"
Bart: "The ring's my responsibility I am the best man ---- right?"
Fei: "Well actually Citan offered to -----"
Bart: "Grrrr! That's my job"
"Fei: (looking even more nervous and reaching for a can of Bartwiser on a shelf) "Calm down and have a drink"
Bart: (opening the can and chugging it down) "Well I suppose it doesn't matter too much" (he takes another can and chugs that as well)
Bart: (slurring slightly) "Donnbe nervvvvous Fei, havvva drink"
(To prove his point Bart takes another. After a brief hesitation Fei follows his example)
Two six-packs later.
Fei: (Holding onto Bart for support) "Greatt-cure Bart, I don'feel a bit Nervvvvvious now"
Bart: (Hanging onto Fei for support) "Told ya it'd work --- didn I? I sould be a doctor"
Fei: (As they both loose their balance and grab frantically for support on the walls) "Yeah, You couldbe doctor Barthththto Barthth --- Barthomeu --- whatever yourname is anyway"
Maria: (Sticking her head round the door in full brides maid regalia) "I don't think Citan's arrived yet, should we wait -----" (She take in the two staggering men and her face grows worried) "I hope you too aren't too drunk to go through with this"
Fei: "O---Course. You look gorgio, gorgeas Goirge ---- nice" (Hic)
Bart: (Leaning heavily on the wall) "I'dmarry ya meself But Margey woukill me"
Fei: "Ba-now you can be the bess man Bart, We can' keep the girls waiting"
Bart: (standing up proudly, and falling down even more proudly) "Yeah, I'll be the worst man, I am Royal afferall"
Scene: The church, Billy is Officiating the service, the Yggdrasil crew are sitting pews along with other good guys like the Thames Captain, Sigurd, Ramsus and the Elements, and Zephyr and the Shevat gang. Elly is waiting by the altar looking stunning in bridal gown; behind her Chu Chu Margie Maria and Emeralda are holding her train in Bridesmaids gear)
Fei: (Staggering out of the vestry with Bart) "Ya looks Lovely Darlin---- Oh Bart's gointo be the bess man"
Elly (Her Voice rising several octaves) "Fei!!!!! Are you drunk!!!???!!"
Fei: "I hhhhaven't touched a drop"
Margie: (Rugby tackling her husband to be) "Bart! You idiot!"
Elly: (Producing a psycho rod from somewhere in her clothing and charging at Fei) "How dare you get drunk on our wedding!!! I'll kill you! You insensitive ----"
(Spouting swearwords she springs at Fei, Billy pulls a gun out of his clerical robes and points it at the fighting couples)
Billy: (Bart Margie Fei and Elly stop fighting and turn to face Billy and his gun) "This is the first wedding I've ever performed! I'm not going to have it ruined by anyone! Place please ----- remember I never miss"
Fei: "Yeah Yer-do, yer missedthe Mirror at bab--- ba b---that place with the big mirror"
Billy: looking annoyed and waving his gun): "Well I still never miss ---- most of the time anyway. Places please!!!" (Firing off a few rounds).
(Grabbing Fei's collar Elly drags him to the altar, Billy begins the service, and though Fei weaves around a bit he refrains from singing)
Billy: "If any here know of any course or just impediment why these two person should not be joined together in holy matrimony, ye are to declare it"
Chu Chu: "I Chu, Chu Chu love Fei. Fei not marry Elly, Fei marry Chu chu"
Elly: "Grrrrr! Never"
(She rushes at Chu Chu but a red ether barrier stops her. Chu Chu's face go's steely black and it's fir darkens. It's two eyes glow red)
Chu Chu: "Thou fools, thou didst not think that Grahf was thine only enemy! Behold I am Chu chu seeker of Fei dost thou desire to die?"
Elly: "I don't care who you are or how drunk Fei is, I still love him"
Chu Chu: "Thou thinkist thou dost but what of the future?"
(An image forms in front of Elly of her scrubbing floors while Fei sits in an armchair, chugging bears and watching gear wrestling.)
Elly: (Ala Luke Skywalker at the end of empire strikes back) "No!!!!!!!!!"
Chu chu: "Yes! Hahahahahahaha"
Fei: (Staggering over to Chu chu) "It doesn't matter Darlin, I always liked chu chu anyway"
(Elly smacks him hard with her rod and he falls to the floor knocked out)
Chu chu: "Thou shalt die for that!"
(Elly kicks Chu chu through a stained glass window and the little creature falls underneath the foot of the descending Citan)
Citan: (Climbing down from Fenrir and inspecting the tomato ketchup like remains of Chu chu) "It appears that Fenrir's foot is heavily impacted with pulverized Ranker. So Chuchu was Grahf, I suspected as much. Oh well now we can get on with the wedding. Sorry I was late my Chocobo ran off ------ Oh darn out of game experience there" "
Elly: "Oh Doc! I don't know if I want to marry Fei anymore"
Citan: "That is a severe problem, well let's try out my new dimensional shifting device"
(He pulls a small machine out of his gear and turns it on, the air shimmers and Elly sees a gorgeous young man with fair skin, spectacles, blue eyes and dark brown hair)
Dark: "Elly I love you"
Elley: "Dark I love you too"
Citan: "And for you Fei we have some sober-a-sol potion"
(He pours something hot down Fei's throat and Fei ceases to be drunk)
Fei: "What happens to me now Doc?"
Citan: "Something will turn up ----"
(There is a click and the whole screen goes black. The playstation has just been turned off)
Dark: "So Elly what did you think of that Fanfic?"
Elly: (Putting her arm around me) "Very amusing but I don't know what Mist's going to think"