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Strength and Weakness
By Dark

Presented by: Xenogears: God and Mind

Author's notes

This fan fiction is about Celeste, a character i will soon be introducing into the God and Mind novelization. Celeste is not a character featured in the actual Xenogears game, her presence in the novelization is my own decision based on my attempts to better explain the events and circumstances involving the character, Miang. Unfortunatly, you won't be able to learn who Celeste is until the novelization reaches Solaris. But, until then, i have written this short fan piece which should explain who Celeste is, it is about her past, and i'm afraid it is your typically depressing type fan fic, but i hope it will help explain a few details.

     "How many lights"
     Click, click, click, click, click.
     Nerves are stimulated, the subject's eyes dilate ----- four lights shining on a black field like the four corners of a prison cell. A bloody scream.
     "F-f-f-f-f-four." The voice is husky whispering.
     Click, click, click, click, click.
     More nerves stimulate, another and louder scream of pain.
     "There are five lights."
     The cool voice implacable as steel.
     "This machine is currently set at ten, it can be set up to one hundred. Now how many lights?"
     Click, click, click, click, click.
     "Four ---- five anything you like!"
     "Point to the fifth light"
     click, click, click, click, click.
     "I can't!"
     The subject is trembling tears filling his eyes as the nerve stimulation devise jabs at his dendrites, causing pain with no physical damage as a good torture device should.
     Click, click, click, click.
     "Doctor Krelian, sir?"
     The scientist turned slowly, those steel gray eyes gouging into the young Lamb messenger's face, the man shook for he knew how easy it would be for him to find himself staring at those fatal four lights.
     "You know that I do not wish to be disturbed when I am engaged in psycho-annihilation"
     There was no reproof in the voice, nothing but distance, and the strange scholarly face beneath it's pale hair was cold as an image of granite.
     "But the girl sir, I was told to tell you that she attempted suicide." "Which girl?"
     The messenger stared nervously around the horrible little room with it's white tiled walls and it's single deadly dark screen. He had worked here in the laboratory for several years and had seen many a prisoner brought down here for readjustment and brain washing. The messenger rocked from one foot to the other nervously, his eyes darting around that bare room like those of a mouse approaching a snake's hole.
     "I don't know sir, I was just told to tell you "the girl". There was an indefinite flicker in Krelian's gray eyes.
     "Thank you, stay hear but do not touch the machine or speak to the subject."
     Krelian walked with that slow energy saving tread, exiting the room like a robot which has been ordered to perform a different task, but this robot took no orders from any human, and would crush destroy any who opposed it mind body and soul.

* * * * *

     The darkness was a solace, a close womb-like warmth that wrapped around her like a loving blanket. Her only friend now darling Hyuga was gone. She had loved Hyuga, still loved him so when he had left ---- been forced to leave he had taken part of her with him. She remembered the last time she had seen him, running down a white corridor, back to the lab where suspicion would not fall on him while she waited calmly like a sacrificial virgin, for them to take her back to the man she hated.
     She had been punished of course, half an hour of nervous stimulation at level 30, but far worse than that brief agony had been Hyuga's transfer. Krelian never took chances. It was that same fear of taking chances and the love cold scientific reinforcement that kept her alive and fertile like a living tissue culture, though she was now a woman of close to 45 she remained eternally a girl of 18, as she had been when that hated man had injected her with the nanomechanical compound that ceased the aging process. She smiled to herself, a bright and cheeky smile in the all encompassing black, she had read about nanomachines, and she knew well that once her carotid artery was cut and her brain starved of oxygen.
     She brushed her left hand through her short hair which covered her head in a crewcut fuzz like short grass, the darkness concealing it's blondeness. Years ago ---- how many? Sixteen, eighteen twenty ---- impossible to tell, she had combed out the spun gold of her hair in a shining curtains that made the other girls jealous, and the younger male lamb servants give her admiring looks. Years ago she had known fun and friendship, hard work it was true, but she would trade any amount of drudgery just to see the sky. She had always used to complain ---- along with her friends, about the long hours of labor which they had to fulfill, there was no work here, nothing but white walls and entertainment screens which were no substitute for humanity, she sighed, thinking that she had not known how lucky she had been all those years ago.
     She raised her stolen scalpel, unbuttoning the collar of her white laboratory gown ---- the only clothes she was permitted here. It would cut her jugular vein and carotid artery, spilling the bright blood like water. An ironic smile crossed her cat green eyes in the close warm darkness of this little cupboard where she had hidden. She thought of all those hours she had spent with textbooks, learning physiology anatomy, nano-engineering and all those other useful subjects. As a Lamb born in Solaris she had received only basic literacy and numeracy training, less even than the third class Solarians. Now she would put that knowledge ---- acquired out of boredom and frustration to good use.
     She lifted the scalpel, wondering how many other live conscious humans had felt it's cold steel bite in their flesh.
     "Help me Hyuga."
     She whispered, trying to charm this death with the name of her beloved like the name of some deity. She had loved that strange abstracted young man, with his angular black eyes tanned skin and long flowing hair. She had almost wanted to ------ but no, that path of human understanding was permanently closed to her by the fear Krelian had instilled in her.
     Thinking of all the things that she would never experience, she raised the knife.
     Not the four lights of torment but one harsh white blinding piercing agony of light flooded in on her warm soporific cocoon of darkness. Her hand was seized and the scalpel wrenched away, her other wrist was grasped she struggled, kicking out with one foot in its light thin shoe, but the girl was barely five feet two and one of the few forms of literature not allowed her in this sterile prison was self defense manuals.
     The two guards dragged the girl from the cupboard, exposing her like a hunter unearthing a fox. Her skin was pale from the many years she had spent here in the bowels of Krelian's laboratory, her face had that kind of fine boned yet neat perfection so often seen in small people, a face that would have been all the more beautiful if the honey blonde hair had been allowed to fall down and soften it's outline with shadow, but the hair was cut short and the girl's face looked naked in the harsh uncompromising light.
     She wrenched one of the guard's wrists up to her mouth and bit hard with perfect white teeth, her green eyes gleaming with feral need to hurt those who had so destroyed her plan for death.
     The guard grunted with pain, blood flowing from the wound, he pulled her arm up behind her back almost to the level of her shoulders. She squeaked in pain but could do nothing as the two guards dragged her down the corridor to confront the man she hated.
     Krelian was standing in the main lab, a huge cavern of a room where white tiles stretched away beneath the harsh lights, the equipment scattered about the room in strange scientific mystery. Krelian was standing gazing into a nano-reactor, a strangely wrapped expression on his usually implacable face.
     "Sir, we have the girl."
     The guard who was holding her up spoke, his voice deferential.
     "Release her and leave."
     The scientist's voice was more distant than usual. Like scurrying chickens the two guards ran from the room, leaving the girl alone with her hated rival.
     "Why Celeste?" "You know why you bastard!" The profanity ran from her lips, her emerald eyes gleaming with defiance. "I am grieved that you are not happy, you must live in case something happens to Miang and therefor you should remain in good psychological health, that is why you are permitted so much freedom." "Freedom! That's rich!" She laughed bitterly, and if her hair had been the curtain of gold it once was she would have tossed it derisively.
     "What do you know of freedom? If you knew what freedom meant you wouldn't have --- have ---"
     "Stop I did what I had to do. I am sorry if it caused you pain but it was necessary, until the final incarnation when the mother and the Miang shall become one again, a perfect Miang had to exist. You have many compatible genes as do I."
     His voice behind its lecturing tone had a strange almost pleading note that made Celeste's heart sing, any injury however small she could do to her enemy was a triumph, long ago she had attacked him, clawing at his eyes and face but science protected him with nano-machines, so she had to resort to these small stinging psychological darts.
     "You didn't have to do it that way, I know enough physiology to know about invitro fertilization ---- so there must have been another reason."
     Krelian stepped back, his face unsure, and Celeste felt triumph and fury stream through her as if she were a berserker, high on battle lust, hacking through a hoard of foes to reach his goal. "And I know what that other reason is."
     Krelian stepped backwards his face impassive, but at the same time vulnerable, they way an image of the hardest rock is always defaced by time. "You wanted love! ---- you wanted me to love you the way Sophia never did. Yes I know about Sophia, I checked all the histories." "I cared nothing for Sophia and I care nothing for you." Celeste rejoiced, she had found his weakness.
     "I hate you Krelian." Her voice was slow, and at every syllable the torturer's eyes seemed to flicker in sympathy. Her voice echoed off the walls where only screams and cold scientific words had echoed before.
     "I hate you Krelian, I am human just as Bathshiba is human, you can never erase our humanity because you never erased your own. Not even the Miang itself can erase our humanity that's why Karen died to protect her son. I hate you Krelian, and I feel nothing for you, you can not frighten me with pain or death because I don't care anymore. I hate you!"
     Krelian stood perfectly still, his body shaking, then with an agility she had never seen in him before he rushed to the speaking tube and hammered down on the button.
     "Guards! Take her away! and shoot her!"
     The two guards materialized almost instantaneously. This time Celeste didn't struggle as they pushed her from the room, she turned her head and smiled at Krelian, it was a bright sunny happy smile, a smile that needed a summer's day and love, a glimpse for Krelian of what he had lost, and as the two guards pushed her out of the door, she looked back one last time and cried with hideous triumph at the single tear that sparkled deep in the coldness of one of those hard gray eyes. She had won.


~ End ~